Like so many other things in my life, I didn’t plan this, it just happened. I went to…corn school. And it was kind of glorious.
Before I get to the fascinating curriculum, let’s back this bus up a bit. Céline and I took a road trip down to ruralsville, Louisiana to see Bill. Céline has known Bill since birth, Bill and I have known each other for nigh on 60 years and have shared many, many, many experiences and more than a few misadventures.
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| I’m the little fella in the foreground with zinc oxide (thanks mom!) In the background are Bill’s mom and dad and two younger sisters, Sandy and Laura are there. And Bill too. Leslie wasn’t there, so this was pre-1966. |
While in transit, we called Bill and he asked us to pick up some garlic. Céline was quick to ask him to quantify how much garlic he wanted. Bill said, “A lot.” ‘A lot’ might mean one bulb to some people. Bill wanted six. Glad we asked! We took off to explore a few food desert towns, Morton, Brandon and Chunky MS. I don’t think many people visit those places because there wasn’t much to see. Siri did me wrong when she directed me to Coopers Grocery store about 6 miles outside of Morton, which sold locally grown tomatoes and was mostly a hardware store. There was not a whiff of garlic in either Brandon or Chunky. We finally found civilization along the way and bought more than the requested amount of garlic.
On the boring interstate, Céline noticed an astonishing number of blown out tires on the side of the road and asked about them. Why does that happen? What do you do if it does? Even though I was still a little irritated with Siri for the Coopers Grocery store recommendation, we went with her and discovered: most blowouts are caused by bad road conditions (potholes), improperly inflated tires, heat, high speed, heavy loads and uneven tire tread. Factoid of the day and you’re welcome. But then what to do when you have a blowout? You will hear a loud noise, like an explosion. BOOM! Remain calm. That’s their first piece of advice. Remain calm. Imagine doing goat yoga. Breathe in. Breathe out. Your car will violently pull to one side or the other. Be present. Do not use the brakes. Be deliberate and pull over to the side of the road. Calmly, put your flashers on. When you hear a loud explosion driving at 70 mph, you will not remain calm. Life doesn’t work that way, so stop it with that advice.
We get to nowheresville and turn off the surface roads as directed by my GPS. It is partially and patchily paved.There is nothing but corn on either side as far as the eye can see. Céline says, “Whoa,”and quickly gets her phone out to take a picture of well, a whole lot of corn and a very lonely road. We take a left down Savage Lane and…we have arrived at our destination. Hugs, laughs and a quick tour, followed by dinner. After dinner, Bill informs us he has enrolled us in corn school the following morning. His uncle has a farm, is a corn savant and has invited us to pick as much corn as we want and answer any questions we might have. Okay, the first fascinating piece of minutiae I learned was about the silk that sticks out of the ear of the corn and is also in the corn husk.
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| There’s the silk, making sweet corn love to each individual kernel. Behind closed husks, of course |
Every piece of that silk is attached to and has made sweet corn love to one kernel of corn. The thingamagig at the top of the stalk is called a tassel and is the male flower. The female flowers are the ears and the pollen is blown from the tassels to the silks protruding from each ear. And each string of silk, again, is attached to one kernel. I did not know that. Please tell me more!
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| Tell me more, please! |
Does baby corn come from corn? Isn’t it another kind of vegetable? Baby corn, it turns out, is aptly named, because it is…baby corn. Before the silk has time to work it’s way down to and get all jiggy with the kernels and pollinate away, the baby corn is harvested before well, you know what occurs.
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| Baby corn do do do do do do do baby corn do do do do do do do do baby corn |
As I did some graduate work after corn school, I found out most baby corn is grown in Thailand, which is why you rarely, if ever, see fresh baby corn for sale in the U.S. And final fun fact from corn school is that all corn: is technically a grain, a fruit and a vegetable. The ear, or cob of corn is a vegetable, each kernel is a grain and all grains are fruits.
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| And there’s the gang. Go ahead. Ask us a question about corn. Or blowouts, we got that too. |
