Alex

     You get what you pay for in general and on Maui? Maybe even more so. My daughter has lived there for 10 years and I just visited her and my brother. She's become a part of the community because she's way more FOMO than I am, and it was so gratifying to see her run into people no matter where we were who she knew, hugs, kisses and this is my dad, he’s just here visiting, blah, blah, blah. Because Maui is not cheap and she’s been mostly in roommate situations, she lives in a crappy neighborhood. If any tourist ever got to the end of the road where she lives, it was by complete accident. So she's been looking for another place to live on Maui, and she answered a Craigslist ad...from Alex. Alex was a huckster of the first degree. He was trying to rent out two 'Ohana' units in upcountry Maui for $950/ mo each. Maui can be a lovely place to visit, but it’s not an easy place to live if you’re working there. If you can find an Ohana for $950 in upcountry Maui, you don't need the type of flowery prose Alex employed or pictures that were not representative of the bed spaces he was advertising, that Ohana will sell itself. Quickly.  Here’s the ad: https://honolulu.craigslist.org/mau/apa/d/pukalani-peaceful-ohana-in-kula-for/7068464609.html

Part of the main house. Where you can't go when his daughter is there. 

     So Ed, Celine and I made an appointment to take a look see because we like pretty pictures and flowery prose too. Yeah. Not as advertised. Alex had a shaved head, waxed mustache, square plastic rimmed glasses and gesticulated wildly as he was describing 'the possibilities' of where an outdoor kitchen might be, or where he could set up the ping pong table, if his daughter wasn't staying in the main house. Right. If his daughter wasn't there, then you could visit the main house, if she was there, then it was verboten. He took us through the property, and said some unusual things. “Look up! Not at the stars (it was about 2:45 pm, the only star visible was the sun), which are beautiful, but look up at the avocado tree! The tree knows when the avocados are ripe and that makes them taste like nothing you’ve ever tasted." Oh Alex. The avocado tree was situated directly above the the detached Ohana. The ripe avocados would have plummeted down in the middle of the night with a thundering BOOOOOOM on the roof of the tiny house like structure that would have raised the dead. Side note: I’ve had avocados that were picked un ripe and avo’s that dropped from the tree. I couldn’t tell the difference. Maybe he could. But he was special.
     You get what you pay for. I remember in my misguided youth after a fairly feral month in Sumatra I ended up in Singapore. I was looking for a knock off Walkman. Google it millennials, and yes, that's how old I am. I was in some mall and asked the proprietor of Indian descent if I could listen to the device before I plunked down my $10, he said with a disapproving wag of the head, "Baba, if you pay $10, you are going to get $10 quality." If you answer ad for an Ohana in upcountry Maui for $950 that ends with: Mahalo, have a beautiful day, and may the Universe smile kindly upon you....you're going to get what you pay for. Alex and his unique personality will be included at no extra charge.