Afghanistan. It was...something else. I did four tours there, Kabul, Bagram (twice) and Kandahar. I was cleaning out my email  and came across the most amusing list from the now defunct website ilovebagram.com. Tongue in cheek, of course, because no one who has ever spent time at Bagram loves it. The site was dedicated to people, military and contractors, who wanted to spout off reasons why they (don't) love Bagram. Here are a few curated gems that anyone who has spent anytime in the Stan, but particularly at Bagram, will find amusing.

1. Finding footprints in the porta-potties.

2. Getting to live with three other dudes on bunkbeds in an 8 x 20 cell.

3. Waking up in the middle of the night because the guy sleeping above you is pissing in a bottle.

4. The flies. Oh God, the flies...

5. Bagram: home of the budget depleting contractor.

6. Getting turned on by sling cleavage, it's the push up bra of Bagram. (this refers to the female soldiers carrying their weapon with a sling cross body)

7. A Bagram 6 is still a Jalalabad 9! (Bagram - more people = more female contractor's and soldiers.  J-bad was a smaller Forward Operating Base (FOB).

8. Port-a Jon grammar lessons. (full disclosure: I carried a red sharpie and gave some of those lessons.)

9. Attention on the FOB, attention on the FOB, there will be a controlled detonation in five minBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!utes.

10. Stop shitting on the shower floors.

11. Because the guy who sits next to you in the office has headphones on all the time and he thinks no one hears him when he farts. 

12. So you say the Russians abandoned this base. I wonder why?

13.  1 year - E5 - Base+BAH (Base Allowance Housing)+No Taxes = $48000/ 4 Months BAF (Bagram Air Base) - Contractor - With Taxes = $48000.

14. Seeing that one random Cost Guard guy once every six months and wondering WTF every time. 

15. Because masturbating quietly is a desirable quality in a roommate. 

16. Because my mother just asked me what a "fleshlight" was. Thanks guys. 

17. Because I get to hear smokers complain about air quality. 

18. Wondering what happened at the haircut/spa place that forces them to have a "no happy ending" sign.

19. Because yesterday Isaw a guy wearing an umbrella hat walking down Disney. (Disney was the main drag at Bagram and was named after Specialist Jason Disney who was killed at Bagram in 2002.)

20. As a gated community with a private airport, shouldn't BAF be nicer?

    Afghanistan. The housing was shit, the hours were long, the work was hard (but interesting) and many of the people were great. I'm still in contact with many of the friends I made there. The money was also great, which, TBH, was the real reason I was there. But hey, there was some fun to be had at Bagram (and every other base I was on) and I had it. Life is too short not to try to enjoy wherever you are and whatever you're doing.